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Are Anxious Times Causing My Dreams About Disability Discrimination?

These are anxious times.

No matter where in the world you reside, which side of any political aisle you align yourself with, or who you are, these are times of unknown, of major change, and of major, unknown change.

Perhaps — and I hope this is the case — the recent nocturnal experiences I’ve been having are due to the anxious mood of the times we’re in. I say “I hope,” but I don’t know for sure.

Was I Discriminated Against?

I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced discrimination due to my disabilities. At least, I can say that if I have, it was subtle enough that it didn’t register as such. But the worst kinds of discrimination may be the kind of which we are unaware.

For the past two weeks or so, I’ve had dreams every night in which I was discriminated against in one way or another.

People and places of my past overlap in the unorthodox and unnerving way that is only possible in dreams. Workplaces are populated with people with whom I’ve worked, but not in that place. Managers and subordinates swap places. Through the door of one restaurant I worked in 20 years ago, I enter another hotel from more recent employ, and through the windows, I see places I’ve volunteered.

Nothing makes sense.

You’re Fired!

In my dreams, I’m being told what I cannot do. Friends and coworkers enter to defend me and are sacked, even if they don’t work for these dreamed-up employers.

I quietly let others defend my abilities, and I am embarrassed when they are fired for contradicting my (always faceless) bosses. I shrink away from confrontation in these dreams, and I accept menial jobs to keep my connection to the people and places I’ve come to love. No matter what I am doing in these dreams, someone always tells me that I can no longer do the work, and I move, ever further, down the employment chain.

The moment I awaken from these career-hell dreams is the moment that I realize that “they” are right: I can no longer do the tasks.

Is This Reality Settling In?

Perhaps my subconscious is coming to terms with what my conscious mind is still fighting. Maybe the friends and colleagues of these dreams are an amalgamation of my voice and that of others who encourage me, counter to my actual abilities. It could be that nearly two decades from the time I had to leave my career, the weight of that reality has settled in.

Am I just now feeling the hubris of years of insistence that I am still the person I once was — even though 16 years have passed, and those years with MS have, indeed, changed the person I am?

Google says so. All the search engines do.

Maybe I’m feeling the anxiety of the changes afoot in this era of Brexit, Trump, and possibly Le Pen, and it’s showing when I sleep.

I don’t know what it is, quite frankly, and I’d like it to stop. Then again, I’d like for MS to stop, too. But that would just be dreaming.

Story Source: The above story is based on materials provided by EVERYDAYHEALTH
Note: Materials may be edited for content and length

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